I always thought personal freedom was the greatest good - whom to date, who to marry, what job to take up and where to live. But, I recently came across a conflict - how much personal freedom is right and how much is not right and how do you draw the line. Since it involves another person, where do you draw the line?

For instance, in India it is everyone’s job to tell you that you have no right to have pre-marital sex. A lot of my uncles told me how I should not “hurt” my parents by refusing to get married. From their belief system, they did not think they were intruding into my space or blocking my personal freedom. But I felt very strongly about my own life and what I should do with it. In fact I did it all the time.

But, at the same time, I thought it was my job to tell friends to get out of stupid relationships. Relationships which were hurting them and hurting others. Is that not a form of personal freedom that I am intruding in to? Am I not giving someone space by telling him/ her to get out of an abusive relationship? I believe that I am protecting the person (like my mum believed she was protecting me by asking me not to move out of home), but am I just unnecessarily making decisions for the other person? Also, am I allowed to make decisions for the other person in a situation like this? Am I intruding into someone’s freedom by not letting the person kill himself/ herself? 

What are my guidelines? Is it the law? It does not seem to be the law since I completely support smoking weed.

As I type this out, it seems like my motivation is from the right that everyone has to be happy and fearless. But, I have been scared so many times in the past; and unhappy too. Owing to my decisions of living alone and independently. So, what are my guidelines for personal freedom? Is it long term good for the other person? Who am I to decide the long term good for anyone - it is subjective. My mum believed I would reap benefits out of becoming an engineer; but I chose an alternative lifestyle and career and I am quite happy with it. 

So, is there no such thing as 100% personal freedom?

So I watched this movie called Bridesmaids last night. Honestly, I did not expect much from the movie, but, it completely surprised me. And in such a good way!

For a movie focused on 6 women and a wedding, it does not show us the prettiest of the clothes or the most “beautiful” wedding or prince charming. It moves away from cliches with absolute ease. The lead character is a complete loser and not in a I-am-not-pretty kind of way. She is a loser because she has no job, or money and pities herself. The “bitch” is not really a bitch. She is plain stupid and hilarious. The climax is a non-climax and the jerk does not really come around and fall in love with the lead. He remains an asshole like he is referred to in the beginning of the movie. With 6 women, the movie also has toilet humour! In fact the biggest joke of the movie is the final wedding itself.

I am generally not a big fan of wedding movies because they make it appear like the wedding is the biggest deal in a woman’s life. Over here, they call it a party. And the movie laughs out loud at all the “parties” leading up to the wedding.

Basically, I loved how everyone is normal and regular and don’t have to melt every little bit of their hearts at a wedding just because they are women! 

Five men arrested in gang rape of Swiss woman in India

This news riled me up. Annoyed me so much I cried. It is such a crime to actually have the nerve to go on a bike trip in India, right? It is a crime. We don’t do it. We never do it. Our girls are asked to use saree-guards on bicycles. In fact we sell purple coloured bicycles and charge extra for saree guards. We dont wear padded shorts and don’t have the nerve to sleep a night inside a sleeping bag.

No, we are not brought up like that. Because to do it, we have to inform the police in advance. We could be raped, or assaulted or at least hooted at. You know because our legs are shown. We will be looked at wide-eyed at the thought of camping and will be asked to do something worthwhile instead. 

We never have travel plans. We go on “trips” to “safe” places with family or with a group of friends with permission from family and have to call home everyday to inform them of our well being. We don’t play sports unless we belong to the rich households who can get off cars in their tennis skirts and walk into exclusive clubs made for the rich. We don’t wear sleeveless clothes in the night buses and never ask for a bathroom stop. All this so that we don’t get raped.

And by chance we do get raped, it is our fault. Because we had the nerve to sit on the bicycle in a pair of shorts.

Am tired of this. Very very tired. I spent an entire year meeting people who rode bicycles across countries. I met a guy who went all the way from London to New Zealand on a bicycle. I know of people who go camping every weekend. I met people who just carried a backpack with 4 sets of clothes and a sleeping bag. Why am I telling you all this, because in certain parts of the world it is common to take your bicycle out for a trip across towns. It is common to go hiking or camping or kayaking. It is common to get out alone for a weekend. It is usual to camp at an unknown place. And they don’t need to carry their own personal body guards or inform the police. They just do it.

We, in India NEVER do it. Because we are always busy saving ourselves from rape and assault, we have cross everything on our checklist out. It is a long drawn process of us restricting ourselves ever since we are little. These things don’t suit our culture and our families. 

Everybody has a travel story that is deep, intense and life changing. Sometimes it is a person he/ she meets and sometimes it is an incident which is exhilarating. Let my break all myths. Not all trips are fun and not all travel is life changing. Sometimes regular life feels a hundred times better than a vacation.

This happened sometime last year. I was traveling across Cambodia alone. Life was really as romantic as it could be. I had a boyfriend back home who would wait for me to call him every day. I was traveling alone and I could manage my expenses well within the budget I had planned. As romance might blur certain functions, I decided to travel from Battambang to Siem Riep on a boat. Please note that a bus ride between these places would take 2 hours, but I CHOSE a boat ride because it was supposed to be the most beautiful boat ride in Cambodia. 

The boat ride was perfect – there was a big group of locals packed along with just 4 of us travelers and the boat was a non-stop 10 hour ride. We crossed 3 floating villages and people who got in or off the boats always went into another boat, basically we did not step foot on land for 10 straight hours. There were trees when we looked at the horizon; it was romantic, amazing, the water was clear and the people were happy, but it was as imperfect as imperfect could be for me.

It was the time of my menstrual period and the boat had no bathrooms and obviously there were no stops either, and I could not speak Khmer – the Cambodian language. Anything I said would be met with a series of stares and giggles. What was actually claimed to be a bathroom was a 3 feet high cubical box made of thermocol, which was open from the top and had a little Indian pot shaped cut out in the bottom. I still do not know where this cut out led to. This box was strategically placed against the sun light, so that everyone outside the box (which was everyone in the boat - roughly 30 people) could see a clear shadow of my ass.

In the midst of my concern about how to explain period or request for a stop to a bunch of complete strangers and worrying about whether I was staining my clothes of not, I had a very ‘friendly’ fellow traveler who talked non-stop about his 3 grandchildren. He showed me their pictures and also gave me in-depth details of the jobs he held in his life. And to add to my annoyance, I was flanked by a 1-yr old kid and a 2-yr old kid, both of whom were continuously eating. And they would freely pee right into the river by standing on the ledge of the boat.

That day I dreamed of today, I swear I really did. I dreamt of a regular corporate job with a bathroom well within a 15 feet distance. With people that understood the language(s) I spoke and whom I could ask to shut up.

The point is, life is not always romantic. Neither is travel. It is not always as fun as the Facebook cover images force you to believe. There is boredom, annoyance and complete hatred at some points. But, it teaches you patience; it teaches you to move on and teaches you to be stronger. So, the next time you get jealous of the perfect picture overlooking blue waters flanked by lush green trees, remember, there are no bathrooms there!

It has become a norm. Where women have to be labeled.

Aggressive. Submissive. Too thin. Too fat. Too corporate. Bitch. Pushover. Sensitive. Petite. Cute. Pretty. Scary. 

When was the last time you met a woman and just met a person? Just said a regular hello and moved on. Like you met a man? 

My internet-inspired long weekend upcycling project seems to have gone well. I am happy with the end products. In fact I plan to make this a group activity and let anyone that comes home paint a bottle. I will keep an updated stock of bottles and colours. So, now you know whom to call if you have had a party the previous day. I will pick up your bottles.

In other news, Waste Warriors has entered the Spark the Rise contest. I request (read urge) you to vote, vote and vote. Please click here and vote now! 

These guys are no more original. They can cease to exist:

1. “Different” tour planners

2. Adventure tour companies

3. “Candid” wedding photographers

My 2 cents of advice. Don’t visit the 10 best places you MUST see. Why, you ask? Because no one knows you well enough except you, that’s why! No one knows what you love and what you don’t. A likes to sleep inside her comforter on vacations. Cousin K does not even wake up on vacations. VJ loves to play wherever he is. K and I love to talk and talk and talk in secluded spots.

So, why let anyone tell you where you MUST go. These travel sites and tour guides and emailers, all that they ever do is make you feel bad that you do not have a Facebook cover image of the exotic place that they have claimed is exotic. So, this is the mother of all travel-advices, don’t listen to the others! Find your own spot, find your own vacation, find your own Facebook picture. If you do not want this, that is alright too. 

Today, I dug deep into my inbox to find old offer letters and relieving letters. I went through the offer letter for my second job and was briefly reminded of the mildly excited feeling I had when I received this letter. It was a world of possibilities then. Now, an offer letter is just an offer letter and works as a window to the world of opportunities outside of work. This is what growing older feels like. And no one really told you it is a good feeling. A happy and more settled feeling.

In other news, I joined Bharatnatyam classes, which means I went for one class. I learned namaskaram in the midst of little girls who wore pyjamas that did not touch the ankle - they had grown out of it. In contrast I had folded my readymade pyjama 3 times just so that I would not slip in my first class. It was fun though. 

Basically as I am growing older, I am increasingly doing things that I do not necessarily have to do a good job of. There are virtually no expectations out of any class or activity I take up. It is purely for the fun of it.

But the side effects include extreme pain in the thighs and feet. 

So, if you have any Telugu friends on Facebook, you would have seen a picture similar to this. This is jeelakarra bellam. Basically it is a sticky mix of ginger and jaggery on a leaf that the to-be wife and husband stick on each others’ heads. This is the pinnacle of the wedding proceedings at Telugu weddings. Right after this, the elders give the couple their blessings. Apparently it signifies that marriages are a mix of sweet and sour and you don’t have no option but to live with it. 

So, the story is not about the brilliance or otherwise of rituals, instead it is about how photographers cheat. So, just after this ritual is when the bride and the groom raise their heads and look at each other for the first time(!). But, in the picture you see that the couple is really looking in the side.

This is because photographers are really the most enthusiastic people at any wedding ceremony. So, they keep prompting the bride and the groom to look at the camera at this time, in order to “candidly” capture the moment. I thought this was a special extra our photographer was offering us, but after seeing roughly 28 more pictures of 28 other weddings (of course on Facebook), I realised that all of them know the trick!

After going through a wedding ceremony with a super excited photographer I understood how the photographer really has more say in the proceedings than the pandit actually does. So, the next time you decide to talk to the pandit about a shorter ceremony, go with my tip - talk to the photographer instead. 

But, we K and I rebelled. We refused to look into the camera during Talamuralu*. Huh, we did it!

*The ritual where the bride and the groom pour rice over each other. 

PS: After a public display of that picture, I have really learned to laugh at myself